


everything that makes me breathe (i want it to be simple)

by mainvocalrocky (infinityxu)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, boys crying, just soft jigyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22624825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinityxu/pseuds/mainvocalrocky
Summary: Mingyu's heart ached, knowing that Jihoon only hid behind that curtain when he really didn't want to be seen.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Kim Mingyu/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 219





	everything that makes me breathe (i want it to be simple)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cheolscutiebooty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheolscutiebooty/gifts).



> a break from all the heavy angst lol. this is for my jigyu-loving gf but i hope that yall all like it !!
> 
> this was inspired by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/incorrectjigyu/status/1221707863292305408)! i can't actually cant actually verify curtain thing ever happened lol but i thought it was cute so here we are!
> 
> disclaimer, these depictions in no way reflect their real-life counterparts. it's just fiction! <3

Mingyu was certainly not expecting to be confronted by a completely soaked Seungcheol when he wandered into the kitchen. The thunder seemed to strike at the exact moment Mingyu made eye contact with his not-so-threatening but certainly angry-looking leader, adding a bit of drama to the scene that Mingyu wouldn't expect in real life.

Mingyu blinked at him. He had only come into the kitchen to get a snack, he knew he couldn’t be in trouble for anything. He hoped, anyway.

“Gyu, do you have any idea where Jihoonie is?” Seungcheol asked as calmly as he could, even if he looked a little pissed off. He proceeded in his attempt to peel off his soaked-through hoodie, which got stuck at his elbows for a moment, honestly a little entertaining to watch. But Mingyu made sure not to giggle.

“I thought he was in the studio,” Mingyu murmured. He didn’t actually know that, but it’s where Jihoon was most of the time.

“I was just there,” Seungcheol grumbled after a sigh, he’d probably heard that answer eleven times already. He finally managed to get his hoodie off. It made a smacking sound when it hit their kitchen floor. “He’s not anywhere in the studio or the practice rooms or anything. He’s not in his room - he’s - he’s not anywhere and he’s not picking up his phone and I don’t know where else to look for him,” he finished that last part all in one breath, sighing again after he’d finished.

Mingyu’s heart sank at how stressed Seungcheol sounded, and he felt a little guilty for not keeping an eye on where his roommate had wandered off too - he didn’t have any tips to give Seungcheol. He had no idea where else Jihoon would be.

“Did you ask everyone?” Mingyu asked softly. Maybe Seokmin or Soonyoung knew, they were usually with him. He hadn’t seen them so far, maybe they had gone out somewhere. Or Jeonghan, he liked to hang out with him too. Mingyu frowned. Jihoon didn’t go out very often, though, so the possibility of that wasn’t very high.

Mingyu saw how Seungcheol grew increasingly frustrated, how nose scrunching up in annoyance as soon as Mingyu finished his sentence. Mingyu instinctively shrunk back. “Are you - of course I asked everyone, why wouldn’t I -”

“Seungcheol, that’s enough. Don’t take it out on Mingyu, he was just asking,” Jeonghan appeared from behind him, closing an umbrella that clearly he’d only used for himself, based on how dry he was compared to Seungcheol. “I’m sure he’ll call you back eventually. Maybe he’s just visiting one of his friends. Let him live his life.”

Mingyu almost verbally agreed, but at the same time, he understood that Seungcheol was worried. Jihoon would usually at least tell someone if he was going out, but that was something he rarely did to begin with, especially on rainy days. He just wasn’t the type of person to go out, much less without telling anyone.

“We’re gonna go on with our nights and if we haven’t heard from Jihoon by midnight, then we start to worry. Okay?” Jeonghan said, wording it as if he was speaking to both of them, but that was definitely only meant for Seungcheol. “And Seungcheol, you’re gonna change into something dry before you get sick. And don’t leave your wet clothes on the floor, someone will slip.”

“I’d be dry if you’dve shared the damn umbrella,” Seungcheol grumbled as he bent over to reluctantly pick up his soaked through hoodie, hanging it over his shoulder.

Jeonghan puffed, rolling his eyes. “Well, maybe next time you can think to bring your own for walking in the rain. Might be a good idea.”

“Jesus, you guys argue like a married couple,” Joshua’s voice came from out of nowhere, almost, walking in between the two to get into the kitchen and open the fridge. It was almost comical how the annoyance melted from both of their expressions as soon as they saw Joshua. Mingyu tried to refrain from laughing at them.

Mingyu listened to them bicker for a bit before his mind drifted back off to where Jihoon could possibly be. He’d been acting weird, off. Not too noticeable, not to the point where it caused concern, but it was enough to make Mingyu a little sad. He was dismissive when they were recording the other day, Mingyu could tell he wasn’t the only one a little disappointed with his lack of feedback - he saw it from some of the others, too. He didn’t come to dinner with them the other day - said he had to finish some stuff, whatever that meant - everyone believed him, Mingyu didn’t. Mingyu knew that Jihoon loved coming with them, he loved being with all of them in a moment where he could finally relax and not think about all he had to get done.

Mingyu found himself pouting. He had somewhat of an idea where Jihoon could be, but knowing where Seungcheol had checked, he figured that the latter would have seen him. But maybe not. Maybe it was just Jihoon and Mingyu that knew about that spot.

“Can I have your umbrella, hyung?” Mingyu asked Jeonghan as he stood, taking the three of them out of their bickering for a moment as they went silent.

Seungcheol frowned at him. “Mingyu, I don’t want you going alone. It’s dark and rainy, you don’t need to go looking for him -”

“I just wanna go to the camera store. I need a new SD card,” Mingyu told them. It wasn’t a lie, he really did need a new one, but not now. He could go any other time, and going while it was raining wasn’t really his favorite thing. But he had a feeling he knew where Jihoon was, and he didn’t want anyone following him if he was right.

“The one down the street?” Seungcheol asked, a brow raised. “I could’ve gone. I passed by there.”

“You don’t know which one to get, hyung,” Mingyu told him, and after a moment, Jeonghan handed him the umbrella. “I’ll be quick.”

“Be safe, please,” Jeonghan told him. He looked like he knew what Mingyu was doing, so Mingyu gave him a little nod before heading out of the dorm.

He was careful as he walked down the street, it was raining pretty hard and Mingyu had a tendency to slip on any sort of wet surface. He was concerned. He hoped Jihoon was taking care of himself, despite not having the very best track record in doing that.

He always confided in Seungcheol, it was very rare that he would try to hide from him. He didn’t do that unless they were arguing, unless things were really bad. Seungcheol seemed frustrated, but Mingyu couldn’t tell if it was because he couldn’t find Jihoon, or simply because of Jihoon. He didn’t really have any way to tell.

Mingyu was starting to get frustrated with himself for not looking after Jihoon, but he tried not to think about that too much. He’d find him and go from there.

He shook off his umbrella once he got into their practice building, already heading over towards the studio after he put the umbrella in the bucket at the front door. He didn’t think he would be in there, especially if Seungcheol checked, but he figured he would look anyway.

The lights were off. All of them. Jihoon didn’t like being in the studio without at least the LEDs on, so he for sure wasn’t hiding in there. Mingyu stepped out and closed the door.

That left the place that Mingyu had originally imagined him to be in.

He tiptoed over and poked his head in the dance practice room, where the door was open and the lights were out, thankfully - otherwise, Mingyu wouldn’t have noticed the dim light coming from behind the curtains at the corner of the room before it went out again.

The curtains lined the entire room to cover the mirrors when they weren’t practicing, and they were thick, heavy - easy to hide behind, especially at Jihoon’s size. No wonder Seungcheol hadn’t seen him.

Mingyu took a step in, taking notice at how the curtain was very slightly raised right at the corner of the room. The light spilling in from the hallway was the only thing that showed him that.

“Jihoon hyung? You’re behind the curtain, aren’t you?” Mingyu asked gently.

There was a long pause.

“Don’t tell Cheol,” came the answer, right from where Mingyu had suspected him to be.

“I won’t,” Mingyu promised him, staying where he was in case Jihoon didn’t want him any closer. “Hyung, can I come to you?” he asked. He really wanted nothing more than to go find out what was going on, but he wouldn’t invade Jihoon’s space if Jihoon was going out of his way to hide from everyone like this.

“Yeah,” he answered, short, after a little sigh. Mingyu walked over as soon as he had permission.

He pulled up the curtain a little bit, knelt down and slid under so that he was sitting beside Jihoon. He only caught a short glimpse of the latter’s face in the light - sad, overwhelmed, and he really hoped he hadn’t seen tears stains with it.

“I’m sorry. I’m kind of ruining your hiding spot,” Mingyu murmured, glancing over even though Jihoon wasn’t looking, and probably couldn’t see him in the dark if he was. Mingyu did feel bad, if someone came looking for either of them, they’d definitely see them now. Mingyu was twice Jihoon’s size.

“That’s okay,” Jihoon said simply. He didn’t say anything else, not for a while.

As Mingyu’s eyes adjusted to the dark, the sadness on Jihoon’s features really sunk in, making his heart ache. Mingyu found himself pouting at him, but Jihoon still wasn’t looking.

“Are you okay, hyung?” Mingyu asked him quietly. He wanted to give him some sort of physical comfort, but he didn’t know if Jihoon would want that. The last thing he wanted was to make him uncomfortable.

“I’ve been better,” Jihoon answered, his voice much softer than before. Like it was harder for him to admit.

Mingyu wanted to cry just at the sound of that. 

“What’s going on, hyung?” he asked him.

Jihoon gave another sigh, his shoulders slumping a little, like the idea of gathering his thoughts to give Mingyu a coherent answer exhausted him. “I just have so much to do,” Jihoon started. Mingyu could almost hear the gravity pulling on his voice, feel the weights on his shoulders. “So many - everyone breathing down my neck to get it all done in time. Even - even Cheol.”

Mingyu’s heart sank even further. That’s why he was hiding. Mingyu wanted to know exactly what Seungcheol had said, but he let Jihoon finish what he was saying.

“I get it. I’d be frustrated with me too. I am frustrated with me,” Jihoon told him. “But it’s - it’s so much pressure. I can feel it in my chest,” he said, placing a hand right in the center of his chest, “right here. It hurts, sometimes. It feels like I can’t breathe right.”

Mingyu chewed his lip, his brow furrowing at the last part. Feeling pressured was one thing, but it being so much that he felt like he couldn’t breathe right, that it was physically hurting him, that wasn’t okay. No one should feel that way.

“Gyu, I really love what I do. I love you guys. But sometimes, I just...I just wish I could hide. And forget everything,” Jihoon mumbled as he lowered his hand back down, blankly staring at nothing in particular. “But I can’t afford to shut down.”

Mingyu’s heart hurt, hearing that from him, how broken it sounded. Mingyu understood that, he really did, but it must have been so much harder on Jihoon. Jihoon wasn’t their leader, he didn’t carry the same hardships as Seungcheol, but he did in other ways. He was in charge of their music, all of that pressure was on him, constantly - whether it was in progress or not, a note or a released album. That weight was never truly lifted from his chest, not even if they got a break.

Mingyu had to really stop himself before he would start crying. Jihoon’s words really worried him.

He realized he didn’t have anything to say that could comfort Jihoon, not in any way that mattered. That was a painful realization, Mingyu had always considered himself pretty good at comforting his members, but he really ddn’t know what to say to Jihoon here.

Mingyu just leaned in a little closer to him.

“Thanks for coming,” Jihoon murmured quietly, leaning closer to him, too.

They sat there for a while in silence, Jihoon’s head on Mingyu’s shoulder, breathing softly. Mingyu thought for a while on what to say, words to comfort Jihoon, but nothing came to mind. He thought about going to talk to Seungcheol, talk to the staff, to give Jihoon more time - to not be so hard on him.

He knew that Jihoon loved his work dearly, he saw how much fun it was for him, how much he smiled when things went well - but anything could get frustrating. Mingyu had seen the opposite of it, too. When things weren’t going as Jihoon planned, stressing him to the point where he looked as if he wanted to pull his hair out.

Sometimes he just needed to step away. Maybe that would help him.

Mingyu sat up a little straighter, taking Jihoon’s hand. The latter looked over to raise a brow at him. “C’mon, let’s go,” Mingyu told him as he started to stand.

Jihoon frowned at him. “I’d rather just stay here, Gyu-”

“You’ll just be sad if you stay here all day, Jihoonie,” Mingyu told him with a little pout, catching a glimpse of the now-drying tear stains on Jihoon’s cheeks as he pulled up the curtain again.

Jihoon just shrugged, not looking like he had any intention of standing up, but Mingyu pulled on his hand to lift him off of the ground. Jihoon gave a little sigh, like he wasn’t very thrilled about leaving, but accepting it anyway. He never slid his hand out of Mingyu’s grip - that was something.

He led him back to their dorms, using his umbrella to mostly cover Jihoon as they walked through the rain. Jihoon never lifted his eyes off of the ground, not to look at Mingyu, not even to look forward. He wasn’t like that often - his spirits down like that.

Jihoon pulled his hood over his head once they got back to the dorm door, so it was practically covering his eyes, hiding his face. No one was in the common space when they got inside, to Jihoon’s relief, clearly.

Mingyu and Jihoon both shared a room with Jeonghan and Seungcheol, so clearly, Jihoon didn’t want to go anywhere near there. He headed for the couch, sighing deeply as he sat down, his sad eyes looking up at Mingyu.

“We should watch  _ 17 Project, _ ” Mingyu suggested as he took a seat on the couch beside him.

“I never saw the finished thing,” Jihoon admitted, sinking back into the couch a bit further, taking a pillow to wrap his arms around.

“Seriously? I’ve seen it so many times,” Mingyu told him, already commanding the remote to pull it up on YouTube. He had a little bit of a plan. “I feel like I’ve watched it with every member at least once.”

“I feel like it’s so depressing. I’m sure they exaggerated that with the editing too,” Jihoon commented, his tone a little grumbly. 

“Oh, yeah, definitely. But it...it makes me happy to see how far we’ve come, you know?” Mingyu told him as he started up the first episode. “I think it’s good to watch. At least a few episodes, Jihoonie.”

Jihoon sighed, not objecting to Mingyu’s words, but not seeming very happy about it either. He leaned into Mingyu’s side, resting his head on his shoulder as the episode began.

They watched for a lot longer than Mingyu was expecting Jihoon to be okay with. He seemed to force an uninterested reaction at first, but after a few minutes he was sitting forward, his pillow still in his arms, very invested in what was happening on screen.

It was a range of emotions that Mingyu saw from him - giggling when they goofed around, nearly in tears when a member cried, angry and frustrated when something unjust happened. Mingyu had seen it so many times that he just watched Jihoon again, happy that he could distract him with something like this when he wasn’t able to truly comfort him before. Jihoon sunk back into Mingyu every now and then, making his heart feel warm. He couldn't hold back his smile.

A few other members joined and left throughout their viewing. Minghao and Seokmin came after a while, Seokmin embarrassed when he saw himself crying on screen, Minghao covering his face when having to hear his very in-progress Korean. They watched for a while, Minghao eventually leaving to go to bed, Seungkwan and Hansol joining after a while as Seokmin left to do the same, Soonyoung and Chan popping by for an episode before they had to head over to the practice rooms to work on choreography - and as they got to the last episode, it was just Mingyu and Jihoon again.

As the infamous campfire scene rolled around, of course, Seungcheol came out to join them, too.

Mingyu watched Jihoon tense up a little when Seungcheol appeared, and neither of them said anything to each other. There was more than enough room for Seungcheol to join them on the couch, but he just sat at the very edge of it, not acknowledging either of them at all. That certainly solidified Mingyu’s suspicion that something had happened between the two of them, some sort of argument.

Seungcheol came in at the perfect time, though. Mingyu knew this part of  _ 17 Project  _ would help.

It was the part where Jihoon opened up about his burden, feeling the pressure of making Seventeen’s music. It made Mingyu tear up every time. Jihoon wasn’t one to cry, not in front of them - it was jarring to see it happen on screen, Mingyu never got used to it. Just that on the surface made Mingyu sad, his words made it so much worse.

Jihoon hung his head as the part played, his hand on his chest, just like when he’d told Mingyu about his feeling of not being able to breathe. That was the first time he saw Seungcheol look at him.

On screen were Seungcheol and Jihoon, across from each other, talking about that. Seungcheol looked a little tempted to leave, but he didn’t. Mingyu watched his eyes start to flood with tears, Jihoon’s too - and as soon as they hugged on screen, Seungcheol moved to sit beside Jihoon on the couch to do the very same in real life.

“I’m sorry, Jihoon,” Seungcheol murmured quietly as he hugged him, his voice a little shaky. Jihoon looked like he didn’t really want to hug back at first, but after Seungcheol’s apology, he wrapped his arms around him, too.

They stayed like that for a minute, and Mingyu just watched, turning the volume on the TV down just a bit. “It’s okay,” Jihoon responded softly, “I’m sorry too.”

They didn’t elaborate on what exactly, or anything at all, really - Mingyu really wanted to know what was going on, but he decided he wouldn’t intrude. He was just happy to see they were making up again.

He did, however, want to join in. “Can I hug you guys too?” Mingyu asked meekly, smiling when Seungcheol lifted his head up to nod, diving in to wrap his arms around the two of them as well.

“You planned this,” Jihoon grumbled, more out of amusement than anything else.

“Maybe a little bit,” Mingyu giggled back.

They watched the rest of the episode together, all leaned on each other. Mingyu was very happy that the two of them made up - maybe he’d ask another time what that was all about, but for now, he was just happy to see the two of them smiling again. Even if they were laughing at Seungkwan for crying during their  _ Shining Diamond  _ performance together.

A very sleepy looking Jeonghan came to join them at the very end, urging them to come to bed. They’d finished the whole series in one sitting, Mingyu realized, and it was almost three in the morning. Mingyu didn’t feel tired at all, but seeing Jeonghan so tired made him start to yawn.

They all got ready for bed, as quietly as they could as to not to wake the other members, who were all surely asleep by now. Jihoon looked like he would fall asleep brushing his teeth, but Mingyu kept him upright, fondly giggling as Jihoon’s eyes would involuntarily fall shut.

As they got to their shared room, Jihoon sunk into Mingyu’s bed without a second thought, probably not wanting to climb all the way up to his bunk above Mingyu’s. Mingyu waved him goodnight, but Jihoon just grabbed the hand he waved with to pull him into bed next to him.

Mingyu’s ears went a little red, knowing that Seungcheol and Jeonghan were bound to tease them, but he slid into bed with him anyway, if that’s what Jihoon wanted.

Mingyu felt a little awkward, he was so big next to Jihoon, but that melted away as soon as he saw the half-asleep smile on Jihoon’s face. A genuine one. “I’m gonna get you back for tricking me,” Jihoon murmured, tucking his head into Mingyu’s chest. “But thank you, Mingyu. You took the weight off my chest for a while.”

It made Mingyu’s heart feel so warm to hear that, all of the aches in his heart from earlier that day just melted away. 

“And?” Mingyu asked. Maybe he was milking it a little bit, but there was no harm in trying.

“And what?” Jihoon asked, peeking his head up to look at him again. Mingyu pouted, and as soon as he did, Jihoon gave a little sigh. “You’re such a baby. I love you, Gyu,” he told him, and even though he sounded exasperated, Mingyu could keep that he meant it. He couldn’t hold back his smile.

“I love you too,” Mingyu said through his smile, finally relaxing into the pillow. “Sleep well.”

“I’ll try,” Jihoon told him through a little yawn, and he was asleep within seconds.

Mingyu made sure that Jihoon was covered completely, and he debated on leaving to go to the other bed - Mingyu had a bad habit of moving around in his sleep, and he didn’t want Jihoon to fall victim to that, but Jihoon knew that. He wouldn’t have cuddled up with Mingyu for nothing.

He heard Jeonghan and Seungcheol come in after a while, expecting them to giggle and tease, but they didn’t. He heard Jeonghan climb up to his bunk, and Seungcheol walked over to them for a moment. Mingyu turned his head to look up, meeting Seungcheol’s smile. “I’m so thankful for you, Gyu,” Seungcheol told him fondly. “Thank you for looking after him.”

Mingyu’s lip quivered a little bit, but he kept his smile, the feeling of Seungcheol’s genuine thankfulness filling his heart. He wasn’t entirely sure what to say back to him. He cared about all of them, he didn’t want to see anyone sad - but Jihoon was so special to him. Of course, he made their music, he was a third of their backbone, but he was so much more than that to Mingyu. Mingyu hoped that Jihoon knew that.

Seungcheol pressed a goodnight-kiss to Mingyu’s forehead, leaning over to give their sleeping Jihoon the same, before falling back into his bed and starting up a light snore.

“I love you,” Mingyu told Jihoon again, very quietly, hardly spoken at all. He knew he had told Jihoon that already, he knew that Jihoon was already fast asleep, he just really needed him to know - and he needed him to know it was so much more than what it sounded like on the surface. “Sweet dreams.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed the fic! leave a comment if u liked it, and check out my other fics if you're new here <3
> 
> thank you so much for stopping by to read !!


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